I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
