Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
