I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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