so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
