i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize