i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
