Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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