Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
