I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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