You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
