I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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