pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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