ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
