I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
