Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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