No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
