yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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