Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My cat gives me a boner
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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