so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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