god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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