I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
