he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
