if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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