we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
