your thong is hanging out like whoa
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize