I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
