ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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