The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
