how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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