I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I AM VODKA MAN
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
