Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
