if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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