Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
