Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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