he shaved USA in his pubs
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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