good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
