you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
