Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
