So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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