we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
