I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
