K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
