foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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