Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
