Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
