i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize