its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
