end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
