on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
