I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
