Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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