wake up i wanna do it froggy style
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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