it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
