I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
