Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize