Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
