dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
