Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
