Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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