mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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