I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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