I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
