no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
