HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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