I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
