before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
