If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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