woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
