Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
