She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
