There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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