Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
