i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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