He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
