Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize